Supporting Others While Leading

As leaders, we can encourage and help others, without fanfare, beyond what is expected; or we can undercut others, and selfishly focus on our own goals. Even though we may be similarity successful initially, over time, the former approach leads to a lasting river of joy and support, the latter leads to one of disappointment and bad feelings.

I still remember walking into an university office as a young researcher after a famed professor had taken a prestigious job elsewhere. Their support staff was gathering, and someone had brought a bottle of champagne and they were all watching the clock. Exactly at the time when the professor’s plane took off, the corks popped and everyone started to cheer. Glasses were poured and everyone was high-fiving each other - the famed professor was gone. Finally.

I remember waking away from this impromptu party distraught and surprised. How could a work environment of a successful professor be so bad that there is a celebration when he leaves?

There are a few lessons that I took from this experience and the decades that followed.

First, I found that it is exceptionally difficult at a glance to distinguish selfish leaders and those who spread good around. Both may appear to be equally successful. In fact, during interviews, everyone is at their best and it is often very difficult to get honest feedback, even from great references.

Secondly, I noticed that the easiest way to assess someone’s true character is to get feedback from the least powerful staff members. That is why I often ask assistants, or clerical staff for feedback on candidates and even made it a regular part of every interview. “How did the candidate treat you?” “Was the candidate respectful and responsive to you?” There are many candidacies that were over even before the interview started: they had shown their true colors to our assistants and support staff and I did not like their true colors.

Finally, I noticed that true leaders were spreading kindness and encouraging others when no one was watching. And they did so consistently. We can sometimes learn that when a famed individual passes away. For example, when Dr. Frank Drake passed away last year (yes, the guy from the Drake equation), stories popped up online of people who felt seen and felt supported by him. Some of these came as a surprise to even those closest to him. We also learned that he had volunteered for a hotline during the night, supporting those in need and struggling with mental health. Talking about a river or joy and of good from this man!

And here is an important lesson I only learned recently: Over time, the support and joy genuinely given to others comes back to us when we need it. Former mentees and those we lifted up are there for us in times of need and they give joy or support like had received before, sometimes decades ago. In fact, I have found that to be of importance to me, especially during times of search and ambiguity, like the time I am in right now.